sicknews.net

Raynella Dossett Leath is a busy lady. Allegedly. She is accused of killing two husbands; one by shooting him and making it look like a suicide, one by doping him up on a crazy amount of morphine and sending him to the barn so he could be killed by a cattle stampede.

Then she found out that her first husband had a child with another woman … so she lured that kid’s acting father to a barn (again with the barn!)…

telling him she had found some papers related to the child. Once there, she opened fire on him, according to his account, and chased him across the hayfields until she ran out of ammunition. According to Mr. Walker’s statement to the police, she said she would kill him and the child’s mother and raise the child herself. [NYT]

She is a Knoxville favorite. Most likely to succeed. In prison.

More from the New York Times. Trail of Death!

Today’s bit o’ sick: monkey muffs.

If your wee dainty hands are prone to chill, warm ‘em up with a “classy” monkey fur muff!

eBay has SEVERAL bidding opportunities for the discerning shopper.

So stick your hands in a decades-dead monkey. It’s hot. And arguably more disgusting than a psycho who goes on a shooting spree after Thanksgiving dinner.

Rather than enjoying a postprandial snooze, Paul Michael Merhige opened fire on his family, killing his two sisters (twins, one of whom was pregnant), an aunt, and a 6-year-old cousin. Holidays are hell.

More on Merhige from the Palm Beach Post.

Sick tag: monkey muff

Watch out when you’re in Arkansas, kiddies. Mind your mamas or they might have the police come TAZE YOU.

It happened earlier this month to a 10-year-old, whose mother had called the police because the girl was “on the floor of the house screaming and crying.” Haven’t we all been there? And when the little girl wouldn’t calm down and obey her mother, mommy told the nice police officer to use his taser. Which he did.

Glory be praised, I think we’ve found a new “baby sitter” to replace the TV. Taze the little wretches into submission!

More from Arkansas Democrat-Gazette.

South Carolina, of course! It’s been quite a busy year for the leaders of South Carolina. First, Governor Mark Sanford, who was supposed to be hiking the Appalachian Trail, was actually meeting his mistress in Argentina. On the taxpayer’s bill. Then Joe Wilson infamously shouted “You lie!” at the POTUS. Then some no-name state ASSISTANT Attorney General outdoes them both in a drugs-hooker-cemetery trifecta of awesomeness! Or sickness, depending on your point of view. Roland Corning was pulled over as he and an 18 year old ”employee of Platinum Plus Gentlemen’s Club” were leaving a local cemetery.

When the police searched his car:

The search revealed a sex enhancement drug and some sex toys. According to the report, Corning told [Officer] Wines he had a prescription for the medication and the other items were always in the car “just in case.” [The State]

Kudos on your candidness, sirrah! For that, we’ll just forget this incident ever happened. And if anyone asks, we’ll keep insisting that the POLICE OFFICER DID NOTHING WRONG. Wtf?? That is seriously in several different articles. Who was the dude having sex in the cemetery and running away from the police? CORNING. But let’s make sure everyone understands “there is no indication of any wrongdoing of the officer.” [The State]

And either the craziness is spreading, or this lady wants to get in on the South-of-the-border action. Congratulations, Virginia. You’ve spread the shame across both Carolinas.

Sick tag:  cemetery sexcapades

Oh Mother Nature…

Would you believe that FECAL ARMOR can successfully repel predators? You betcha! It can certainly successfully repel ME.

Case-bearing leaf beetle mommies will lay their eggs in individual poo pods that they create themselves with their genitalia. Now I mean obviously the poo comes from the back door, but there’s a structure on their no-no that squishes the poo into place. Elegant.

Later the young beetles will pop their heads and legs out of their poo pods, but they keep wearing them. It’s a defense mechanism, since nobody wants to eat little turds — even if they have delicious bugs inside.

Sick tags:  fecal armor, mouthparts

OK, so a lot of sick shit has gone down since I last posted. A family was killed by a loser douchebag horror-core fan (he’s been indicted); a bunch of missing people were found dead and decomposed in Cleveland (tip: keep your rotting bodies in a house next to a sausage factory, who’ll know??); it was the 50 year anniversary of the brutal “In Cold Blood” murders; a possible jihadist / possible dude-with-major-problems killed 13 people at Fort Hood, TX; the Vice President’s motorcade killed a pedestrian; the DC sniper was finally executed; but what’s REALLY sick is an Idaho prosecutor and GOP bigwig pleaded guilty to stalking his girlfriend and throwing no less than TEN semen-filled condoms on her yard. And he’s 56 years old. DUUUDE.

And if you need cheering up, at least you aren’t blind and nose-less from being mauled by a chimp.

If you were ever scared that a bean could sprout in your ear… read no further. 

When he was coughing up blood, Russian doctors thought Artyom Sidorenko had lung cancer. Luckily it was just a FIR TREE that had germinated in his lung.

MORE — if you can take it — from Pravda.

Can you believe only 5 people wanted a Caylee doll? And if you didn’t get one already, you probably missed your chance. The Florida Attorney General has brought a lawsuit against their distributer. Apparently it’s illegal to claim that your proceeds will go to charity… and then renege.

Showbiz Promotions was also hawking Michael Vick chew toys for dogs. Customers never received their orders, and promised donations to animal shelters never materialized. 

Jaime Salcedo, you may be our Entrepreneur of the Year!

More from CNN.

SICK:  The pope telling Africans that using condoms wouldn’t stop the spread of AIDS, and would in fact make the problem worse. 

SICK:  Excommunicating doctors in Brazil, who performed an abortion on a 9-year-old girl, after she was raped repeatedly by her stepfather. 

The girl’s mother was also expelled from the church; the rapist was not. (Economist)

I have no words.

More from The Economist and BBC.

In the spirit of hara-kiri — because as we’ve written before, better dead than poor — everyone’s jumping on the suicide bandwagon.

Chuck Grassley (R-IA) said AIG executives should “resign, or go commit suicide.” Hello, drama queen. 

And a recent entry from Schott’s Vocab was:

Econocide
Suicide seemingly catalyzed by the economic crisis.

More on Grassley at Politico; Schott’s Vocab blog.